The Ten Shifts: From Wounded to Integrated Self

These are the signposts on my return. Not rules, reminders.
> You can also see these as ways to identify where the wound is in control, and how to shift from wound into a window of wisdom.

1. The wounded self blames others for what he feels, or blames himself in shame.

   ⌘
   The integrated self owns his inner weather, speaks from center, and shows compassion for where he lost his way. He is at the helm of perspective, the overseer, the high watch, witnessing his parts without them taking over.

2. The wounded self avoids hard truths.

   ⌘
   The integrated self walks into discomfort with discernment, with care and clarity, holding the experience and allowing the feelings to be felt at each step. Making space for the emotional wave, holding neutrality as an energy to find ‘what is true, what is love’

3. The wounded self demands to be met.

   ⌘
   The integrated self names his needs and honors his partner’s pace, timing, and energy. Speaking the need, in nuetrality. If needed, taking space alone to honor his needs and meet himself with himself.
   There is nothing wrong with wanting to be met, just don’t demand it. When wanting to be met, he creates the invitation, tunes to the need, finds the time, right energy and words to speak what is true.
   

4. The wounded self hears feedback as an attack and defends or attacks back.

   ⌘
   The integrated self listens for the mirror and breathes before reacting. If there is a tingle of charge, something is there for you, if you spot it you got it. If something is off, speak to it after you have time to reflect. “I’m not 100% for what’s true in this, but Ill look.”

5. The wounded self clings to control to feel safe.

   ⌘
   The integrated self creates safety through presence, not power. The integrated self can see through the strategy of control as what it truely is, an inner child who is not safe and looking for others to create the safety it craves.
   Instead he creates that safety himself. Through meditation, journals, ownership, feeling through. Asking himself “what am I trying to control that cannot be controlled?”

6. The wounded self hands his emotions to his partner without reflection or awareness.

   
   ⌘
   The integrated self carries the medicine of self-regulation and awareness. Knowing that his emotions are not hers to hold or soothe. If vulnerability and clearing is needed, he makes the right space for that, to be sure she is ready to meet him. He seeks elders or professional support (3rd party) to ensure she has the capacity. 

7. The wounded self manipulates from fear of rejection.

   ⌘
   The integrated self reveals desire & direction, making it clear and clean. He welcomes ‘no’ with grace and honors the sovereignty of his partner. He knows that manipulation is not obvious, it masquerades as ‘leadership’ or ‘boundaries’ and thus he knows he has to see himself clearly, and to see what energy is driving his choices, directions.

8. The wounded self shuts down or explodes when triggered.

   ⌘
   The integrated self pauses, feels, and chooses a response over a reaction. From still point, seeks the opening. Feeling feelings all the way to completion to find the gifts of guidance. 

9. The wounded self needs constant reflection to feel whole. Seeks soothing or validation from others.

   ⌘
   The integrated self remembers his worth is not up for debate. It is his birthright. Anything that says otherwise is a virus that requires eradication, the old story of giving power away. Eradicate it with love, knowing that Love is who you truly are.

10. The wounded self waits for love to complete him.

    ⌘
    The integrated self becomes the source and meets love whole. Knowing everything on the outside of self is a reflection of what is within, what has been excavated through the process of remembering his truth. This is the big one, this one is hard to see for most of us. It requires coming back to, daily practice.